You know what the saddest part in my relationship with sanket (who I have been dating from the past 2 yrs) is that I know I love him and so does he and he does care a lot about me, no doubts, BUT that I can’t talk to him or that either of us have nothing to talk about (even after not talking for 2days). SAD SAD SAD… And I do want to marry him some day. I always thought my guy will at least be someone I can always talk to no matter about what. It’s not that I don’t tell him or share with him anything; actually there was a time when I used to share every second of my life with him (in fact I used to look forward to our time together), his opinions mattered, but in the past couple of weeks something has become numb, very numb (not only within me, but also our very interactions). It’s his response to whatever I tell him, it’s so withdrawn, so cold, as if it’s a pain for him to hear me out sometimes. His way of telling me that he is listening to me is asking me what happened and after I’m done moving on to some other topic. I feel like a doormat in his life, he’s busy with so many other things (which is okay, but call me selfish I need time with him and right from the start it’s been one of our issues, he’s never able to balance things in his life, so much so that sometimes it’s his friends or me who feels left out). But compromises, understanding and more compromises.
There are times I really want to talk to him, but every time I try to reach out for him, he’s not there. It’s just simply me, my and myself at the end.
As I write this, tears stroll down (because sanket just messaged me right now). It’s been so long that I haven’t cried… Funny how even he knows what’s going wrong, and I see us going down the same road. And I haven’t even recovered from our first break up, let alone second.
Why are relationships so hard and painful? Or do we make it so unbearable? He is my companion and I’m supposed to share everything with him_ emotional, physical etc then why the hell am I writing blogs for an emotional release…. I DON’T KNOW!!!