I know anyone reading this blog would call me a heartless peson or worse!!! But honestly I don't care.I hate people who are weak in the face of problems or crisis situations. We all have problems and we all have to bear them.I don't think there is anything admiringly different about me,but there is something I admire in myself and that I don't crack easily.I have the courage to face whatever life throws on me.This blog is oin reference to my mother, who is going through her depreesive stage( I think it's menopause effects).For a week or so I tried being as nice I can,about it, but then I just coouldn't take it anymore.Her constant crying is definitely reinforcing the thought regarding my PG.It's not like she's going through something terrible, sometimes I pity my poor dad to have to face it all,after I'm gone.
I believe "when you have troubles,God gives you the strenght to face it, as well".And my mother being a religoius person,sometimes makes me question her faith in God(though I know I have no right to do it).I just want her to stop whining like a kid,and act as an adult.That probably help me respect her a bit more!!!

Human Insecurities

So how can you ever mollify a person completely? You can say “I love you and only you”, “Trust me”,” I’m gonna be yours forever and ever more”. They are all tried and tested comfort lines. And I did say it all to sanket to assure him that I’m not going to have an affair if I go for my PG, outside Delhi. He thinks I’m gonna throw myself to the first rich, good looking guy that comes along my way ( told you the amazing amounts of trust we have on each other).I don’t think he’s convinced, not that he will ever be. I think even if I marry him, he’s still going to be this insecure. Though he shouldn’t be, considering our track record, as a gender, of being loyal is so much better than that of men. But I understand what he’s going through; because when he was leaving I was feeling the same. Though sometimes, I might enjoy his insecurity (because he acts real cute and adorable, trust me, like a kid), other times if gone unchecked can become a major stressor.
When he was leaving I said” if you ever fall in love, or start liking someone else, I would want to be the first person to know about it”. And he tells me that I’m not even allowed to like anyone, let alone love someone else (see no pressures!! toldya). and when I said it I meant it, because sometimes it happens,” out of sight, out of mind”. We have worked out our long distance relationship for over a year now, ups & downs were always part of it, and I hope we would do so in the future. Hopefully we are still that committed, that we make an effort to sort things out, when they seem to go all wrong. Because that’s love, in a fast paced life!!!

The Guilt Factor

I believe one of the worst punishments meted out to mankind, is "feeling guilty". And this guilt can make you do things you won't do in your right mind.Trust me on that!! The very feeling of living in trauma, that someone is going through something horrible, because of you is sucidal. And worse when you don't know what to do about it, because you're torn between the two sides. Oh God save us... I'm in a dilemma and I don't know what to do.It's my mother and we all know how good they are with emotional blackmailing.And she's real good at it,which makes it worse. I think I' m gonna go with the flow, which means I continue to cary my emotional baggage as long as I live!!!

A Must Read Book

Finally I finished reading the book “The Kite Runner” by khaled housseini. I always wanted to read it, and I must it’s an amazingly written book and a very powerful book I have read in a long long time. It was such a beautiful book. And there are2 things I’m always going to remember, and isn’t this the part that makes a book meaningful, what you take out of the book for your life.
The line” for you, a thousand times over” made my heart melt every time I read it and made me cry like a baby. The beautiful part it’s not a romantic story it’s a love story of two friends cum half brothers. The book portrays so many virtues that we have all forgotten: loyalty, unconditional love, selflessness, kindness, LOVE.
This book reminded me of so many small innocent wishes we always had, but it’s all forgotten now… I’m so definitely gonna read his second book “A Thousand Splendid Suns”, if it means that I have to read it via e-books, though I love the touch and smell of a book.

Bidding Goodbyes

Right now is the time to bid goodbyes to everyone and another name that got added was sanket. After 22months of relationship, yesterday, I finally said my last and final bye to the very first serious relationship of my life. I had to break it off, because it was becoming a major stressor in my life, and the ideal time to put an end to any relationship is when it starts to hurt you more than making you happy.
Last time when we broke up, I became a recluse but this time I intend to get over my loss, the way the world does it. Rebound… and I have an ideal rebound in my life. Rahul subramaniam, he is intelligent, very very good looking, and super rich. He has indirectly asked me out a lot of times, I just never paid heed to him or simply ignored him. The best part is he doesn’t believe in being a relationship and now me neither.
Today I understand my sister’s concept of love, move out of a relationship when you realize you’re going to get emotionally involved. Sounds practical and fun. But it doesn’t mean that I have stopped believing in love, I guess it just have to wait till I think I’m ready to be in love.

Last Day

I feel so bad leaving college. My college was my comfort zone. People think JMC is full of bimbetts, but I met some of the most amazing women here, who I know are meant for bigger and greater things. It’s just a matter of time. The day was spend in capturing the happenings of the day in our memories and in digicams… though I know the former is going to last longer.
I clearly remember I started my first day in college in room 210 with linta sitting next to me, and today when we are leaving college, nothing has changed. Same room and same person… the scary thought is I’m not ready to move on right now. Not yet…

6th march’09
Friday

Time is Precious

What is important in a long distance relationship??? In spite of being in one for the past 1 year, I still don’t know. Is it time, patience or understanding??? What if I tell you I’m running out of everything in my relationship…time, definitely patience and understanding… In the past few weeks, I have a string of broken promises to remember and me quitting. Sanket, he keeps disappearing after every 2 days and then comes back apologizing… and I don’t know till how long can I take it?? Either he was so busy or he tried calling me, but of course my phone was not available…I wonder how much of it is ever true??? And don’t start judging me already, coz I’m sure, you would be thinking the same if you were in my shoes. Honestly I’m just waiting for the point to come, when I don’t really care about whether he’s there or he’s out fucking some whore, but for now, I do care.And the way things are going I’m going to reach that point pretty soon… it’s just a matter of time.
Shakespeare rightly said “Love is not love which alters, when alteration it seeks”. And that’s exactly why even I have gone silent…

College Week

This is my last week of college, I wouldn’t be spending any more weeks or any more Tuesdays in college...That’s why capturing every moment of my last week in college, because after a while I wouldn’t even remember what it was like.
Every time I think of this I know I have a stream of memories to remember: pleasant and unpleasant, but I’m what I am because of it. College life is so enriching, it’s sad who never went to college. I have learnt so much in these 3 years that I know no book or person can teach me. Ever. A couple of years down the line I don’t know whether I will have these friends or not, but I’m glad I had an opportunity to know them and that they became an vital part of my life…This entry is a dedication to Linta Alphonsa Bouselly, Ishnita Nayantara Keskar, Naomi Sharon George, Wormilla Jasmine Keishing, Ruzla and Hina Chowdhari…All these wonderful women who I love and hate…and hope we all remain in touch…love ya all

Seena Rose Michael
3rd March’09

Where do you go???

A song goes"What do you do when you're lonely,What do you do when you're gloom....I follow you"...don't we all wish we had someone to follow??someone to take care of you when all you want to do is cry out loud..someone to listen to you even when you are not talking sense?? We all do!!! But I don't think any of us have the time to do that for others..then why will others ??Even if you're committed or single,nothing matters...I hav'nt really introduced myself completely...I'm Seena,psychology student,in a long distance relationship for the past 1 year...My boyfriend is in sydney doing his pilot course...I give him credit for atleast something that is,if we are together till now,its because of him,he's been really committed...hats off to him...but I don't know you call me a bitch or whatever, but sometimes I need him more than ever and I miss him..He works really hard(2 jobs a day) and college, and I know that it really tires him out and he remembers to call me, but I really miss him...And right now I'm feeling really bad.And its horrible of me to expect him to be a superman, and every time I demand it,I feel I'm being so unfair to him,and thats why I never want him to read this,coz I have a right to feel bad if not good and no one can take it away from me...thanks for listening!!!

WORK ,STRESS & LIFE

Wow what a week!!! I'm so exhausted after it, and yet I know it's not over...new week,more work...it never ends....Last week I spend doing the most pointless work,PRACTICALS...and if you are a psychology student, I know I'm getting the nods and if not then consider yourself lucky!!! 1 night,2 fair reports, 2 discussions,mugs of coffee, and 2'o clock, that was last week in a few syllables...After my grad I'm leaving psychology,and I'm glad that I am, though it has taught me a lot for my life ahead,that we all sometimes take for granted...
But yay finally my stint with psychology is coming to an end..Life is a fairy tale,though not happily ever after but happily even after...I had my amazing times in these 3 years,even though I knew psychology is not my forte...that's life,you learn to enjoy it,inspite of everything:)